Monday, June 3, 2013

My cousin wrote this on FB, it sounds like Israel

So I was watchin some Cops the other day, and let me tell you - late night TV at its finest. But that's besides the point. Fact of the matter is, why is every *alleged* (innocent until proven guilty, this is America goddammit) criminal arrested for assault charged with "aggravated assault". Like I feel like that's such an unfair adjective. Way too universal. Puts every knuckle-sandwichin' American at a disadvantage right off the bat. Because every assault is different, you know? Kinda like sandwiches. Every sandwich is a sandwich, but not every sandwich is a "delicious sandwich". See what I'm sayin? Assault and sandwiches, two peas in a pod. Everybody's not aggravated. Some people are "defensive", some are "menacing", and still others are "high on bath salts". It's just unfair, unjust, and unbelievable that such particular situations are objectified to a single, detrimental descriptive modifier. All I'm sayin is, if I'm ever arrested and charged for assault, I'm telling the po-po straight up: "Sir, with all due respect, I was not aggravated during the assault in question. I was happy as hell! Livin the dream! That was euphoric assault motherfucker!"

Revolutionizing the status quo here, all for the sake of justice.